Thursday, August 25, 2011


Today Jade and I had our first appointment with the therapist to get UN-crazy. Therapists generally hate terminology like "bonkers," "coo-coo," and "loony," so my first test is usually to use one of these terms right away to determine the political correctness level of said therapist. Simply put, if your shrink doesn't have s sense of humor, you aren't going to have much fun getting your head fixed. So with a respectable giggle from our perspective councilor, we began our session.
This particular therapist was highly recommended by people that I know are super naughty, non-vanilla thinking, BDSM kinksters who are way more messed up than us. :P If they had good results, then we should be an easy case. I checked her credentials, read her kink-friendly, nontraditional relationship respecting bio and made my decision. To keep all you letter-writing know-it-alls at bay, she is a licensed marriage and relationship councilor with many letters after her name. 
She asked to hear the full story of what happened to lead us to her office andJade gave me a nod letting me know that she preferred me to begin the sorted tale, which I delivered with honed brevity and with as little emotion as possible. Jade only felt the need to add details toward the end of the story, giving me the perfect opportunity to wrap up and pass the mic to her. 
Our therapist then asked us to describe our relationship and all that we like about it. Jade took over on that one and it was wonderful to hear her talk about what we have together in such a positive light. Her eyes lit up and her smile grew genuinely large as she reflected upon our common interests, kids, home, family. Jade told her that we almost always prefer to be together. That was a sentiment that warmed me to hear. 
The really cool thing about paying someone to help your relationship return to greatness is that you don’t owe them anything in return. You don’t have to ask them how they are doing or need to give them any kreplits in return. You can just selfishly take and talk about your problems, hopes and dreams without ever feeling as though the relationship is unfair. You pay them to listen and to guide you and if you choose the right, your TheRapist will be perceptive enough to make that process as painless as possible. 
I so look forward digging in and getting back our bliss. The process will not be without a touch of agony, but alas, nothing great is ever easy. 

Kidder Kaper is a published author, sex educator, activist and game designer. The overwhelming catalog of his work can be found at Email him at


  1. "The process will not be without a touch of agony, but alas, nothing great is ever easy." Very true. Good luck and I'm so glad you found a therapist who comes so highly recommended. Finding someone you jive with is the hardest part.

  2. I'm glad your first appointment was a positive experience, and that Jade was able to open up and let you know how she feels about you. I hope this gives you tools so you will be better equipped to deal with all the ups and downs of life.

    I'm always there for you both if you ever need to drain some of my kreplits :)

  3. Thanks so much, my solar powered friend. :)
    Can't wait to hang naked with you this weekend. :D

  4. Weird spelling of counselor causing me to be distracted....I had to look it up on and I guess it isn't technically wrong as the definition of councilor is "a member of a council" or "counselor." Other than that, nice post!

  5. We've begun a journey with a therapist as well...Hope we both get back to our bliss, we're having a rough go at it lately, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel!

  6. Good to hear you've found a (potentially) worthwhile councilor. May the force be with you.