Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cherry Popping

I just left the gang in the studio after recording my last episode of the Sex is Fun Show. The show is as old as my daughter and the last six years have truly flown by. My contribution to the show has rarely felt like a job. To me it was hanging out with really smart friends that I trust completely, talking about something that I really enjoy talking about, and frequently getting the distinct impression that our efforts were helpful to people.

I really look forward to hearing/seeing what Gay Rick and Laura Rad do now that they have complete control of the show. I suspect that I'll be their biggest fan, and in all fairness, perhaps their loudest critic, but I am completely confident that they'll do right by the audience and by the mission that created the show in the first place.

I could so very easily walk away from all of this at this time of my life. I could kick back and take it easy, be a selfish hedonist and hang my gun on the wall. I cannot deny that there is a part of me that finds a newly discovered serenity in walking away from Kidder Kaper, and to be honest the major reason that I'm not, is Jade.

When I began this whole sex educator, podcast, activist-thing, it was something that made Jade uncomfortable, embarrassed, and was the source of many relationship conflicts for us. The only thing that carried me through in the early stages of my career was the letters from my readers and listeners that shared with me their personal stories and how my efforts had helped them have better sex, relationships and indeed many who claimed I'd saved their marriages. It was impossible for Jade to truly condemn me for doing what I was driven to do. Helping people is something that we both value.

Then something changed around the time when I signed the book deal with Penguin. The show had gained significant listenership and my press mentions were always memorable to say the least. Jade had fans of her own and got a taste of fame and I kinda think she liked it. I also started making money from the operation around that time, but for me, money was never my motivating factor. I think that to Jade, money just meant that my efforts were legitimized. She stopped referring to my SiF gig as a, "hobby." This was a term she used that I found exceptionally hurtful, as to me, it was nothing short of a mission that I passionately perused.

When I felt as though I'd accomplished what I needed to accomplish, I began considering my retirement. I'd imagined all the significant ways in which to kill the monster that Kidder had become but Jade wouldn't have it. She liked the props that came with being in the Kaper entourage and even said, "If Kidder dies, what happens to me?" To which I would respond, "You mean Jade?" Yes, it is strange how the alias becomes the person and vice versa. For me, Kidder was a name under which I projected my ideas, but for my wife, Jade gave her the freedom to become the strong sexually powerful woman that she is.

So here we are. We are Jade and Kidder, the Kapers, if you will, with her help, I realize that there is still significant and important work to do. Jade wants to continue recording the Bathtalk show and I think that the show has potential to be great. Of course it will only be great if we care enough to supply the audience with what they want and need. If it is important to the both of us there is a lot we could accomplish. Only time will tell if it is. We've also decided to begin blogging together and she's committed to two contributions per month. Again, only time will tell if this is a commitment that she's capable of fulfilling over the long haul. I for one am very excited to see what she has to say and encourage everyone to encourage her to find her inner-writer, storyteller, and advisor that I know she can be.

So I'll match whatever she submits, story for story and this is my first blog entry. With it I've taken the maiden head off this blank page and covered it with my own digital ink bukake. For fans that have known us, know that I cannot be censored or to be censored is so demoralizing to me that I will only continue with this shared project if I feel allowed to write what I feel like writing about. There's a reason that all of my published articles are merely optioned re-prints taken from media outlets where I have total editorial control. I'm not good at taking orders and never pretended to be. When you see my name on a document, you certainly can be sure that what you are reading is the truth, as I see it, and that if I write it, it is something that I care, most often, deeply about.

One of the things that I care about is having healthy, fun, exciting, enjoyable, and lasting relationships. I care about raising healthy, emotionally secure, intellectually enabled, ethically enriched children, who become adults capable of finding purpose in their lives. I care about philosophy, and making at least a decent attempt at fixing flawed ideology. I intend to write about all that I care about on this blog, and I indeed hope that we are capable of providing something significant, or if not, perhaps a laugh. We've got recipes, crafty crap that scrapbookers will dig, activities for making time spent with offspring a little more enjoyable, sex advice, stories and just about everything that we think is kinda cool.  It will be a learning experience and the discovery should be interesting, or at least entertaining.

With hopes for your reading, comments, and enjoyment, this is the first post in the Jade and Kidder blog.

Kidder & Jade have been married for 14 years, have two kids, a dog, and take pride in figuring it out as they go. Hear there adventures, misadventures, and get everything from craft ideas to sex advice by subscribing to their weekly blog, podcast, and other antics at

Kidder Kaper is a published author, sex educator, activist and game designer. The overwhelming catalog of his work can be found at
Email him at


  1. I'm glad the Kapers haven't gone away. I'm looking forward to following along on your ongoing adventures!

  2. Love this and I'm glad that my wife and I can still consume your words, although they will mostly be in written form now. Thanks for all that you've done and how open and honest you've been in sharing select excerpts of your life and experiences with everyone. I look forward to reading from you both.

  3. We'll still be recording Bathtalks and we've even been talking (a little bit) about doing something with video. Don't get too aroused though. If we shoot a show it is going to be with our clothes on. Imagine if you will, a whole lifestyle (as in a way to live, not "the lifestyle") DIY program that includes a lot more than caulking tips for winterizing windows.

  4. I can't wait t follow all the blogs

  5. Well since we are in the process of moving to Colorado I was really hoping for those tips on winterizing your windows, but I guess others tips will do. LOL, To be honest my wife and I have listened to your shows for a while and it sparked great conversations and even some not so great ones because I tended to be more vanilla-ish on some ideas and vice-versa. But we are still here and happily married and your shows have helped us discuss topics that we otherwise probably would have never had the courage to discuss without a little assistance. So thank you for that. My wife has even become friends with Jade on facebook and sent her some hair gifts for your daughter (hint, hint). So although at times your comments pissed me off and I had to agree to disagree, thank you for helping us learn about who we could be. I look forward to reading your new blog and coming along on your guys' new venture.

  6. That's ok, the fact that you got pissed at me for my comments but never made a comment to me about it until now kinda pisses me off. :P Well, all is forgive. The winterization videos and photo how-tos will be coming soon. Fall approaches in MN with a rage of a 1000 jealous lovers. I'll be breaking out the GreatStuff and showing you how to fill those gaps like a pro. =D

    Be sure and hit up Jade for the crafty stuff. If you've got a blog or a site, get that to us too. I'm sure Jade is good for a link if not an article on the hairpieces.

    Glad to have you reading alone with us and I hope I don't anger you too much with what I may say or write, or if I do, I hope you'll bring it to my attention. Anything getting mad about is often worth talking about, so let's talk. You'd be amazed at what I may learn from people who disagree with me.

  7. Honestly, I cant even recall what it was that ticked me off although i'm sure my wife can, lol. However, it wasn't serious enough that I stopped listening. I guess when you are dealing with sex and other touchy subjects people will agree, disagree or agree to disagree. I will keep reading and if I don't agree or don't understand i'll ask.

    My wife always said that she thinks you and I would have interesting conversations. We live in a very small community that is very secluded and the people are very close minded. I grew up with a strong Christian background and it continues to be a strong part of my personal being, but my wife and I also tend to have a broader view of what we find acceptable or not (to us anyways). Shoot, we even taught our church youth group and childrens church for a long time. The funny thing is a lot of people new that we had a photog. business and some of the pictures we took were boudoir or sensual in nature. So yeah, enough about me....

  8. I'm happy to see Kidder and Jade are still alive and working on new projects... and excited to hear that Grick and Laura are taking the reigns on SiF.

  9. Does this mean that Kidder won't be on air with the regular SIF podcast? I hope that's not the case! Although i just discovered this project. And really enjoy Bath talk. Still need to buy the book! Maybe i'll get it for a Xmas gift.